Personal Power Block #1. Unworthiness & Invalid Input.

ENGAGING THE CHALLENGE.

It started two days ago, with a little voice in my head saying “cancel your appointments for the next two weeks.” TWO WEEKS?! With Mercury retrograde due in about two weeks, at month-end? What? No. I didn’t listen.

So the following day, early, I had a small crisis with one of my much loved pets. My cat came rushing into the house, bewildered, with a swollen foot that she wasn’t stepping on, which looked very much broken to me, just as I was on my way out to an appointment which couldn’t be moved and was costing me money that I didn’t really have.
We got a booking at the vet for late afternoon and I spent most of the day fretting over everything that could be and go wrong and heaven forbid the cost of the worst, which I surely could not afford.
Long story short, I got no work done for the day and was exhausted from worry when the day ended with only a small injury, a manageable expense, and my kittycat under my surveillance after a pain injection and some antibiotics for the infection. Nothing broken. No-one having to be operated on or put down, and no-one dying. “Phew! Tomorrow, I can work!” I thought, conveniently still ignoring the little voice that said to take two weeks to regroup.

The next morning arrived and I jumped out of bed, started my usual routine, which includes a quick check on my garden for the sake of peace and connectedness, already stressed out about what all needs to get done today and how on earth am I going to reach the expectations I set for myself, let alone make up for yesterday’s “loss” of time and opportunity? Conflicted and battling with my mind, I rushed around to get the morning routine, which is supposed to be relaxed and nourishing, out of the way, from the moment I reached consciousness.
Mind all over the place, happy and positive, yet frustrated, I insisted on picking up and moving a crate, which I knew was too heavy, whilst thinking “I shouldn’t be doing this, I’ll hurt my back”, and snap! My lower back started tightening up and for the rest of the day, I was forced to see to my own healing and recuperation, in increasing pain, as I could’ve predicted, hence not much work got done for the day… again!
After reluctant submission to the message of surrender that was trying to reach me, I sought comfort in a hot mineral bath with healing oils and lay down on my bed for a rest, not forgetting, of course, to make good use of the relaxing time by plugging in my earphones with a manifestation hypnosis track, to make good for even more “wasted” time… I fell asleep and suppose I may as well have just left the audio for another time since I slept through the entire thing!?

On waking from my afternoon nap, not pleased with being in even more pain, the penny finally dropped and I started cancelling appointments for the next day.

Later in the evening, a good while after my set bedtime, I’m still fretting and fluttering about in my head…

I started writing this, maybe for my own therapy, and maybe because I felt strangely inspired by the blunt halt that was seemingly imposed from some force outside of myself. Maybe I just had too much energy now at the “wrong” time of the day, upsetting my “must-accomplish-according-to-other-peoples-standards” routine.. aaah (excuse me) F%*k it! Just DO SOMETHING already?!
…and I realized that I STILL WASN’T LISTENING, because I had only cancelled one day.. not two weeks..
Two Weeks?! Man! This better be good.

I’d been wanting to run a Self-Empowerment Program for ages, and I hadn’t before, I realised, because my mind had been running in circles trying to make up for everything I am not, anything that could possibly qualify me to be “unworthy” of doing such empowering, fulfilling work. Who am I to live my passion, let alone teach or mentor others!? What? No! Rather run around forever compensating and never being enough, having enough, doing enough, producing enough, feeling enough. It makes perfect sense… NOT!

Firstly, I felt unworthy. Secondly, I had been ignoring empowering input from mainly my own intuition, and sorely also from mentors and people I had sought out to assist me in moving through this challenge of self-empowerment. I had been ignoring, ignoring, ignoring, writing off everything I have always known deeply, dismissing it under “INVALID INPUT”.

In surrendering and accepting the challenge, the light started coming through.

Habits needed to shift, on a daily basis. Thoughts to be ignored from now on, were the disempowering ones, not the empowering ones. Beliefs about myself needed to be brought to light and consciously discerned. Only that which brings personal power should be entertained, and anything else should merely be humoured (as in, “made fun of”, literally).

WHAT TO DO WITH THE NOISE?

When the mind is running around frantically, busy busy, turning and churning the same thoughts over and over, pretending to be dealing with the same problem day in and day out, it exists because of something that has come to a standstill or a turning point. There is conflict, friction, uncertainty, dark and light forces working against each other. I’d like to present as a metaphor, an annoying electricity generator, which is used when the power supply goes out. One can choose to ignore the power outage and stress about the work not getting done (more internal noise!), or one can switch on the generator, do the work and find a way to deal with the noise/fumes that comes with it.

A healthy mindset would be to plug in the generator, switch it on (engage with the challenge), then position oneself at a manageable distance from the generator (the challenge), accepting that it is what is needed at this point and resolving to not being overcome by the fumes by sitting in it breathing all the toxicity. The closer I get to the generator and the more I focus on it, the more it annoys, frustrates and intoxicates me. If I position myself further away from it, the noise can be a reminder of the energy that it provides while I’m working with it, benefitting from the solution, rather than focusing on the disturbance.

Any noise, mentally or emotionally, is a sign of friction. Friction creates heat and energy, because of conflicting forces pushing and working against each other. If everything is running smoothly or standing still, there is no progress or growth. If I’m not channeling and using the energy wisely or consciously, it becomes annoying and overwhelming, instead of creating momentum.

WHY DO I FEEL DISEMPOWERED?

1. You’re not listening. This is especially true if you sometimes/often have feelings of not being heard, not being seen, not having value.

2. Your mind is running circles with you, tricking you into believing untruths about yourself and your situation, stressing you out or holding you stuck in pain or the past.

3. You don’t believe that it can be so simple and easy to have what you want.

4. You feel guilty for already knowing how to do this, so you must hide it from yourself so you cannot show it to anyone else, ensuring that it can never be acknowledged.

5. You are afraid of losing your identity. “If I make this change, then who will I be without my old label?”

6. You are stuck in inertia, not acting, not facing the challenge, rather internalising it and draining your own energy, probably out of fear. (Fear is a reality, and the challenge is not to be fearless, but to have the courage to face it and move through it, using it as a stepping stone for growth.)

WHAT CAN I DO TO EMPOWER MYSELF?

To follow these steps, distance yourself emotionally from the issue, and apply your practical mind. (Switch on the generator, without sitting in the noise and fumes)

  1. Write down the problem/challenge you are facing, in as simple a sentence as possible. (Acknowledge it)
  2. Accept that you have created/chosen this problem in order to grow, and that you have done so, because you know that you have everything you need already within you to overcome this. (Accept/Surrender to it)
  3. Write down the ideal outcome of the situation, as-if you can have anything, without questioning, doubting or wondering how to do it. (Choose Direction)
  4. Write down the first, small, practical step you can take in order to start moving in the direction you chose. (Steer your vision into the chosen direction)
  5. Take action by starting the above action immediately. (Start the engines, commit)
  6. Create a useful daily habit which is easy, manageable and ENJOYABLE, which will be conducive to the process. (Create momentum)
  7. STICK TO THE HABIT. Every day, practice your new habit, remembering that the first few times you do something new will always take some willpower, but the more you do it, by maybe the 6th or 7th repetition, it will start becoming easier, and after enough repetitions it will become second nature. (Stay on course)
  8. When you have completed the first strategic step (#3&4 above) in moving towards your outcome, identify the next step and start it immediately. Do it until it is done. (Persevere)
  9. Repeat the habit and actions AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES.
  10. Be flexible in your approach, navigate around obstacles.
  11. Insist on reaching a new positive reality. Accept that you probably don’t know the details of it all. Expect that it will be difficult. Do it regardless.
  12. Call in help from others and/or higher/divine power.
  13. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.
  14. Grow. Embrace. LIVE. Make it your own. Restructure your life bit by bit in simple ways to accommodate for a new identity and way of being.
  15. Know that there may be no point of “arrival” and that your journey and desired outcomes may keep shifting and changing. You may as well let go of the result and enjoy the ride.

A few more thoughts on empowerment:

  • The stress produced by any challenge is mostly because of your own resistance to growth.
  • Your inner self always knows the way to overcome any obstacle.
  • If you cannot still your mind/thoughts, the easiest way to get a grip, is to write it down or to verbally express it in ONE SIMPLE SENTENCE, thereby bringing the issue(s) out of infinite “mind-space” and into the conscious and physical reality where it can be contained.
  • A useful technique in facing fears is to apply the mind to imagine the worst possible outcome of a situation, identifying what action to take if it does come to the worst, and then getting on with your life, accepting that you have already decided how to handle the most unfortunate and realising that trying to control outcomes only drains your energy.
  • Have a bit of fun this lifetime. There really isn’t anything more empowering than enjoying the journey that you are on.

 

May offers private holistic healing sessions, learning enhancement mentorship and personal consultations/counselling via Skype, internationally. Please refer to the Services page or Session Fees for more info.

 

Please share your comments or questions below, or email me at info@mayvanreenen.co.za

 

For a 20minute live private call consultation, book your appointment here: mayvanreenen.youcanbook.me

 

Live FREE!.

May

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